i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
