I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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