i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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