She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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