Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
