I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
