What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize