At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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