I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want nice things and good sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
