I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
