I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
