I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
