Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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