Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
