I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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