I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What drink are we having for lunch?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
