her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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