I CAN MOONWALK!
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
