I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
