Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
