I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
