We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
