paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
