Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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