I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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