Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
