I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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