No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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