Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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