Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
