ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
