I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
