It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
