never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
