im having a threesome with these popsicles
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
