i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
