What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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