I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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