i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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