You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
