WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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