i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize