This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
