giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
