i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
