Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
