D3 body, D1 cock
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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