So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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