You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
