Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?