i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.