dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I am morally bankrupt
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
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So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.