I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY