He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
