I faked an abortion last night.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
