Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
