Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
