you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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