his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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