I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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