Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
