So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
