i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
