I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
ttyl tear gas
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
